The Bot

Bill has a bot set up on one of his AIM accounts….it’s provided a few good laughs today…..

Part One

Me: hey! fuck you, man!! (yes, this is how I started the conversation.)
Bot: I’m still thinking about what is up.
Me: you suck, ya know that?
Bot: I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you have never used it. (it burned me!!)
Me: what?!?! i’ll kick your ass!!
Bot: Oh please; I can’t think of What?
Me: i said i’m gonna kick your ass!
Bot: It’s a deal. I know you’ll kick my ass.
Me: smeghead
Bot: There’s a lot to be said for going to bed early.
Me: get a job!
Bot: Doesn’t everyone want to get the job done faster? Please help me understand you by speaking in longer, complete sentences.
Me: okay get a job you lazy ass motherfucker.
Bot: Teamwork gets the job done.
Me: screw you!
Bot: Why does a courtship or honeymoon have to end?
Me: what the fuck are you taking about?
Bot: Are we talking about taking chances?
Me: chance this.
Me: what, no comment?
Bot: I suppose our constitution can be mutual to sure.
Me: yeah well, your mother was a TRS80.
Bot: Now there’s a very thoughtful comment.

Part Two

Me: hey, fuckwad.
Bot: Isn’t that a revelation of truth?
Me: the truth that you are a total dick?
Bot: I can’t deny that I am a total dick!
Me i didn’t think you would.
Bot: Chaplin fled the country and didn’t return for decades.
Me: yeah well…the grey fox flies at midnight.
Bot: Are we sizing each other up?
Me: it would seem so.
Bot: It would seem sensible to like ourselves but we don’t always do so.
Me: sometimes you really make no goddamn sense.
Bot: That really makes a lot of sense.
Me: man, someone tried to steal my frog tonight.
Bot: A man needs someone to find his socks.
Me: fuck that, he can find them his damn self!
Bot: Do you have a vivid imagination?
Me: hey, fuck you!
Bot: Please don’t swear.
Me: get bent!
Bot: Do you get my messages? If you make very brief comments, it’s hard for me to follow you. Could you please use complete, longer sentences?
Me: okay, get bent, you piece of crap
Bot: I am not a piece of crap, please don’t insult me.
Me: but you are just beggin’ for it…….
Bot: I just can’t get over your attractiveness.
Me: why, thank you 🙂
Bot: Why, thanks : -? I’m thinking that we need to look at the human side. My pleasure, really.
Me: you are still a piece of crap.
Bot: Don’t call me a piece of crap!
Me: bill wants me to leave you alone.
Bot: What is the best way to travel on vacation?
Me: hoverboard.
Bot: What? You know all about this.
Me: yes, i know everything.
Bot: Use your best efforts to tell me all!
Me: okay, for starters paisley ties are just the coolest things in the world….especially if you have boxer shorts to match.
Bot: Okay, let’s just admit it.
Me: and you just have to get yourself a pair of argyle socks.
Bot: I have just been musing to myself; sorry about that.
Me: right. musing. watching the ‘drrty’ video again, eh?
Bot: Yes?
Me: nevermind.
Bot: I read in a magazine that cattle ranchers are working free on behalf of needy people. I need you to speak in full sentences in order to understand you.
Me: cattle mutilations are up 50%.
Bot: Are women better off than 50 years ago?
Me: how the fuck should i know, i’m only 25.
Bot: Is that wishful thinking on your part? (I just got burned again!)
Me: blow it out your old wazooo.
Bot: Sometimes the indirect route is the only route.
Bill: How does it feel to know you got burned by a piece of software?
Me: how would it feel if i programmed you into a furby?
Bot: I think that all parties need to talk it over. Neither one of us is programmed, are we?
Me: yup, it’s all about th 1s and 0s, pal.
Bot: Yes, you know everything.
Me: sad but true. but don’t worry, i’ll learn you all i know.
Bot: Do you want sad clowns to be moist?
Me: uh.
Bot: What could be the meaning of that?
Me: i guess. as long as they sing ‘tiny bubbles’ for me.
Bot: Uh, well, I guess that makes sense.
Me: well, i’m not sure if moist clowns could get away with singing the best of slaughter…..
Bot: Get the best solution for a problem.
Me: that would probably be to disable you. or for me to go to sleep. while that may be easier, the first solution seems like it’d be more fun.
Bot: What can we learn from each other today?
Me: i can teach you how to clean your ears with a match?
Bot: Do you like my ears?
Me: no, you look like spock.
Bot: What are we looking for?
Me: i’m looking for a private island.
Bot: What do you want me to do while you are looking for a private island?
Me: you could stand on your head and piss in a cup.
Bot: You make visions dance in my head.

On that note, I finally decided to stop harrassing Bill’s bot and call it a night.


Posted on 01|03|2003, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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